The Foundation of a Godly Marriage
“For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.” — Ephesians 5:22-26 (NLT)
Natural responses to Paul’s instructions to husbands and wives in Ephesians 5 often lean toward one of two extremes. His words are either neglected altogether, or they are used in the wrong context to highlight only one side’s responsibility. Neither approach is faithful to the text.
Instead, we must remember that all of Scripture is God-breathed, and passages like this one invite us to ask two important questions:
Though Jesus Himself was never married, His life and His work show us what submission and love look like when carried out perfectly. With His example in mind, Paul’s words take on greater clarity for both husbands and wives.
1. Submission is a display of strength, not weakness.
“But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” — 1 Corinthians 11:3 (ESV)
We see submission modeled most clearly in Jesus. When He prayed in Gethsemane, He asked twice for the cup of suffering to pass from Him yet surrendered to the Father’s plan. His human body knew fear and anguish, but He still chose the cross. That is not weakness. It is strength in a way our earthly minds cannot fully comprehend.
Within the Trinity, Father, Son, and Spirit are equal in value. Yet the Son submitted to the Father, and through that submission came our path to salvation. That doesn’t lessen His glory. Rather, it magnifies it and is the reason for our worship! As Paul reminds us, both submission and love in marriage are first demonstrated by Christ.
2. Husbands and wives must both submit to God.
“Submit yourselves therefore to God…” — James 4:7 (ESV)
Before roles in marriage are ever addressed, the foundation is clear: both husband and wife must submit to the authority of God. That is the starting point. Out of that foundation flows the husband’s call to love and the wife’s call to submit, both rooted in mutual submission before the Lord.
3. The operation matters more than the order.
Notice two things in Ephesians 5: first, Paul’s command to wives is directed to their own husbands, not men in general. Second, submission does not imply lesser value. The Trinity itself shows us that equality of worth can exist alongside distinct roles.
Think of a balance scale. If one side acts before the other, or if the weight isn’t equal, the scale tips. But when both contribute equally at the same time, the scale stays level. So it is in marriage.
Or picture a dance. When I was younger and my parents watched Dancing with the Stars, I often couldn’t tell which partner was the professional and which was the celebrity. Why? Because they moved in step - in the same direction, with the same pace, at the same time, and with the same purpose. Though they were two individuals with their own will, they appeared as one.
Marriage should look like that. Not one-sided obedience, but two people on mission together “in one spirit with one mind, striving side by side” (Philippians 1:27, ESV).
Prayer | Father, we thank You for giving us the gift of marriage and the gift of Your Word. Help us, as husbands and wives, to first submit our hearts to You. Teach us to love and to yield in ways that reflect Christ, so that our marriages would be marked by unity, humility, and joy. May our homes be places where Your glory is seen and Your Spirit is at work. Amen.
Natural responses to Paul’s instructions to husbands and wives in Ephesians 5 often lean toward one of two extremes. His words are either neglected altogether, or they are used in the wrong context to highlight only one side’s responsibility. Neither approach is faithful to the text.
Instead, we must remember that all of Scripture is God-breathed, and passages like this one invite us to ask two important questions:
- What does this teach us about Christ?
- How do we live in light of it?
Though Jesus Himself was never married, His life and His work show us what submission and love look like when carried out perfectly. With His example in mind, Paul’s words take on greater clarity for both husbands and wives.
1. Submission is a display of strength, not weakness.
“But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” — 1 Corinthians 11:3 (ESV)
We see submission modeled most clearly in Jesus. When He prayed in Gethsemane, He asked twice for the cup of suffering to pass from Him yet surrendered to the Father’s plan. His human body knew fear and anguish, but He still chose the cross. That is not weakness. It is strength in a way our earthly minds cannot fully comprehend.
Within the Trinity, Father, Son, and Spirit are equal in value. Yet the Son submitted to the Father, and through that submission came our path to salvation. That doesn’t lessen His glory. Rather, it magnifies it and is the reason for our worship! As Paul reminds us, both submission and love in marriage are first demonstrated by Christ.
2. Husbands and wives must both submit to God.
“Submit yourselves therefore to God…” — James 4:7 (ESV)
Before roles in marriage are ever addressed, the foundation is clear: both husband and wife must submit to the authority of God. That is the starting point. Out of that foundation flows the husband’s call to love and the wife’s call to submit, both rooted in mutual submission before the Lord.
3. The operation matters more than the order.
Notice two things in Ephesians 5: first, Paul’s command to wives is directed to their own husbands, not men in general. Second, submission does not imply lesser value. The Trinity itself shows us that equality of worth can exist alongside distinct roles.
Think of a balance scale. If one side acts before the other, or if the weight isn’t equal, the scale tips. But when both contribute equally at the same time, the scale stays level. So it is in marriage.
Or picture a dance. When I was younger and my parents watched Dancing with the Stars, I often couldn’t tell which partner was the professional and which was the celebrity. Why? Because they moved in step - in the same direction, with the same pace, at the same time, and with the same purpose. Though they were two individuals with their own will, they appeared as one.
Marriage should look like that. Not one-sided obedience, but two people on mission together “in one spirit with one mind, striving side by side” (Philippians 1:27, ESV).
Prayer | Father, we thank You for giving us the gift of marriage and the gift of Your Word. Help us, as husbands and wives, to first submit our hearts to You. Teach us to love and to yield in ways that reflect Christ, so that our marriages would be marked by unity, humility, and joy. May our homes be places where Your glory is seen and Your Spirit is at work. Amen.
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