The Best Business Card I Ever Received
I was stunned when he handed it to me with the instruction that simply stated, “Aaron, do this consistently, and it will help.”
Lauren and I were having a hard time connecting. I would say communicating, but that wouldn’t totally be true. We were communicating, but it wasn’t actually getting us anywhere.
The busyness of life and the pace at which we run has a way of compacting our emotions. It’s not that we stop feeling, it's that we stop knowing how to interpret our emotions. That is where we found ourselves: a couple that has been married 15 years, pastors of a growing church, loving Jesus, and yet unable to connect.
The best business card I ever received was one my therapist handed me. It had been years since anyone gave me a business card. At first, it shocked me, and I immediately asked myself, “do people actually use these anymore?” However, what was written on that card was not contact information or some business advertisement. No, it only had 4 words on it: Wows, Worries, Wishes, and Wounds.
It was basically a cheat code for Lauren and I to unpack with each other what we were feeling, experiencing, and thinking. It was a quick and easy way to connect and empathize with each other, to simply “be” with each other in what each of us was experiencing. It wasn’t a “fix-it” talk; it was an intimate talk. It was us being vulnerable with each other. It simply changed our life and our marriage.
I would also say that it’s scriptural and an amazing way to engage with God in your quiet time.
”Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.“ - Philippians 4:6-7 NLT
Wows: “Thank Him for all He has done.”
This is the time you find a Wow. It doesn’t have to be something big or grand. In fact, finding the small things is beautiful. For some, this is harder than for others, but we would all agree that we have much for which to be grateful. It’s also important for the brain to think about Wows first. When we begin to talk about the not-so-pleasant things in our lives, it helps us avoid going down the dark hole of unbalanced feelings. Start with the Wow. If you practice, you will be surprised how long this list will be!
Worries: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.”
We all have them. List them out. Be specific. You were meant to cast, not to carry, your anxiety. For some, this will take some effort because a lot of us are stressed, but we haven’t taken time to really process why we are stressed. It helps me get to the root of my worry. For me, it can be money, relationships, peoples opinions, hard meetings I need to have, my kids, or my relationship with Lauren. The list can be long; but when I feel anxiety or stress coming upon me, I know it’s only the fruit of something I’m worried about. This is where we discover how good our Heavenly Father is. He says, “pray about everything!”
Wishes: “Tell God what you need.”
I love this! Tell Him what you think you need. God cares about the desires of your heart. He cares about your wants. He also loves you enough not to give you what you want if He has something better. This is where I’m learning to become child-like. I want to be that kid who asks for all God has for me, but also trusts Him to do what’s best for me. Don’t be shy and don’t be super spiritual either. Wanting material things doesn’t make you bad. Wanting a promotion doesn’t make you bad either.
So often this is where gratitude self-sabotages us. We start feeling guilty for wanting something because we have already been given so much. Don’t do that! You can be grateful and still have dreams and things you are believing in God for. I love that God welcomes us to tell Him what we think we need! It speaks to His love for us.
Wounds: “His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.“
Our time with God pulls back the onion of our heart. What is hurting? All of us have pain. Sometimes it’s hurting more than others, but we all have it. Most of our damaging pain comes from our childhood that it triggered in our current relationships. This is important to understand, and it’s why it’s important to keep short accounts. When we continually unpack our wounds, we will be amazed at how quickly they heal instead of festering and becoming infected. The longer a wound sits without allowing God to heal it, the longer and bigger the wound becomes.
The whole point of the exercise is to heal enough to start dealing with scrapes instead of wounds. After doing this for a few weeks, you’ll notice that the wounds that crippled you before don’t hurt as badly.
ACTIVATION: In this season, I want to encourage you to take a little time and unpack with Jesus. He cares more than you know, is more gentle than you can imagine, and is a greater friend than any you have in this season. If you're married, take time to do this with your spouse also. It helped us!
Indeed, it was the best business card I ever received.
Lauren and I were having a hard time connecting. I would say communicating, but that wouldn’t totally be true. We were communicating, but it wasn’t actually getting us anywhere.
The busyness of life and the pace at which we run has a way of compacting our emotions. It’s not that we stop feeling, it's that we stop knowing how to interpret our emotions. That is where we found ourselves: a couple that has been married 15 years, pastors of a growing church, loving Jesus, and yet unable to connect.
The best business card I ever received was one my therapist handed me. It had been years since anyone gave me a business card. At first, it shocked me, and I immediately asked myself, “do people actually use these anymore?” However, what was written on that card was not contact information or some business advertisement. No, it only had 4 words on it: Wows, Worries, Wishes, and Wounds.
It was basically a cheat code for Lauren and I to unpack with each other what we were feeling, experiencing, and thinking. It was a quick and easy way to connect and empathize with each other, to simply “be” with each other in what each of us was experiencing. It wasn’t a “fix-it” talk; it was an intimate talk. It was us being vulnerable with each other. It simply changed our life and our marriage.
I would also say that it’s scriptural and an amazing way to engage with God in your quiet time.
”Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.“ - Philippians 4:6-7 NLT
Wows: “Thank Him for all He has done.”
This is the time you find a Wow. It doesn’t have to be something big or grand. In fact, finding the small things is beautiful. For some, this is harder than for others, but we would all agree that we have much for which to be grateful. It’s also important for the brain to think about Wows first. When we begin to talk about the not-so-pleasant things in our lives, it helps us avoid going down the dark hole of unbalanced feelings. Start with the Wow. If you practice, you will be surprised how long this list will be!
Worries: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.”
We all have them. List them out. Be specific. You were meant to cast, not to carry, your anxiety. For some, this will take some effort because a lot of us are stressed, but we haven’t taken time to really process why we are stressed. It helps me get to the root of my worry. For me, it can be money, relationships, peoples opinions, hard meetings I need to have, my kids, or my relationship with Lauren. The list can be long; but when I feel anxiety or stress coming upon me, I know it’s only the fruit of something I’m worried about. This is where we discover how good our Heavenly Father is. He says, “pray about everything!”
Wishes: “Tell God what you need.”
I love this! Tell Him what you think you need. God cares about the desires of your heart. He cares about your wants. He also loves you enough not to give you what you want if He has something better. This is where I’m learning to become child-like. I want to be that kid who asks for all God has for me, but also trusts Him to do what’s best for me. Don’t be shy and don’t be super spiritual either. Wanting material things doesn’t make you bad. Wanting a promotion doesn’t make you bad either.
So often this is where gratitude self-sabotages us. We start feeling guilty for wanting something because we have already been given so much. Don’t do that! You can be grateful and still have dreams and things you are believing in God for. I love that God welcomes us to tell Him what we think we need! It speaks to His love for us.
Wounds: “His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.“
Our time with God pulls back the onion of our heart. What is hurting? All of us have pain. Sometimes it’s hurting more than others, but we all have it. Most of our damaging pain comes from our childhood that it triggered in our current relationships. This is important to understand, and it’s why it’s important to keep short accounts. When we continually unpack our wounds, we will be amazed at how quickly they heal instead of festering and becoming infected. The longer a wound sits without allowing God to heal it, the longer and bigger the wound becomes.
The whole point of the exercise is to heal enough to start dealing with scrapes instead of wounds. After doing this for a few weeks, you’ll notice that the wounds that crippled you before don’t hurt as badly.
ACTIVATION: In this season, I want to encourage you to take a little time and unpack with Jesus. He cares more than you know, is more gentle than you can imagine, and is a greater friend than any you have in this season. If you're married, take time to do this with your spouse also. It helped us!
Indeed, it was the best business card I ever received.
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1 Comment
This was amazing. It really hit home, and will allow me to use theses tools. Thanks for Sharing Pastor Aaron.